I am lucky, I have cared for and been cared for all of my life. My family and I have had more than our share of medical care over the years. It doesn’t get easier, but it is manageable. You can be the caregiver or just a supportive friend, but regardless of your role, you can be of far more help to a loved one if you know what they need. Friendship is more important at this point in your relationship than any other, because the person who isrecuperating is so vulnerable.
My mother looked after me for 10 years in and out of the hospital, my husband for a couple more in our home. I looked after my Mom and Dad in our home and in the hospital for several as well. I have haunted the waiting room while loved ones are in surgery, and paced the floor with my husband over my child. Having been on both ends of the bedside, I can tell you neither is easy.
Professional help is a great option, but it is not a complete solution. They still need guidance and supervision. We have worked with a number of professional caregivers over the years. I am a fan of many of them and can share how we developed healthy partnerships with them.
Being Cared For
It sounds nice, being cared for. But even if it is at first, it wears thin fast. You soon begin to feel helpless and useless, like you are a burden on others. The only solution to this feeling is engaging those who are helping with your care in making you as independent as possible. No easy task when there is so much you can’t do. But, trust me, there are always some things you can do yourself, you might even be able to help out others, if you get creative.
Finding healthy ways to communicate and being honest about your needs is hard. Fighting your independence and pride to allow someone to help isn’t any easier. Finding the balance between shutting someone out and being too needy is one we all struggle with. Relationships can wither or flourish based on these moments.
Caring for Others
Caring for your husband, your parent, your child or a friend are all very different roles with very different struggles. Each one is a minefield, but it different ways. Caring for them can deepen or destroy the friendship. And it is hard, it is exhausting in body and spirit. If you love them, you hurt every moment they hurt. And it is scary because you never know if you are doing the right thing or not. And it is thankless, because we are often selfish in our own recovery. And it is rewarding, because it is one of the greatest gifts you can give. The gift of yourself when they need it most.
There are things that make it easier, others’ experiences you can learn from. Tools and tricks of caring. Professionals who can provide some assistance.
Just Visiting
Maybe you are not a caregiver, you’re just visiting a friend. Maybe you just want to send something from across the country. Make sure your thought counts. When someone is lonely, bored and in pain, the right gift or gesture can mean the world. If there was ever a time to get it right, this is it.
Regardless of which side of the bed you find yourself. It is always easier when you are not alone.
