I just had a wonderful visit with an old friend and realized that life is pretty great. I forget that sometimes, don’t you? Everybody is trying to figure out how to be happy, or to find happiness. I found it by Living Life Backwards.

Is finding happiness possible or a myth?

Happiness is not a destination nor something to be attained. Think about the moments when you were happy, how many of them had been “earned” and how many were just life falling into place around you?

If you can filter out the noise, can you make happiness happen more often? Can you find happiness?

When you look at your life, what is missing? Do you even know? Is the list so long you don’t even know where to start? Are you overwhelmed figuring out how to be happy?

Do you know how to be happy?

The biggest problem lies in what you think will make you happy.

If I hear the question: “What would your 18 year old self think of you?” ever again, I will scream. This is no way to assess your life, by the standards of a teenager.

Let me give you an example:.

• At 18 I thought hard work was the most important part of success. That life was essentially fair. And that finding happiness was about achievements and recognition. My goal was to surpass my father’s income by the time I was 30.
• By 26 I had achieved that goal, but was very unhappy with my job. But I kept going, got more responsibility and more money, but not more happiness. My husband and I were surrounded by others like us with similar notions of happiness. Nothing in our lives was challenging our warped view of happiness.
• At 36 I got pregnant. And then over the course of 3 years I had a baby, 4 surgeries, paralysis, and went on disability leave. I was going backwards financially, physically and emotionally. Most of our friends drifted out of our lives. Life felt fairly bleak.

Desperate not to lose the love and joy I had with life, I consumed as many inspirational stories as I could, trying to maintain my optimism. And all of those messages brought me an epiphany about finding happiness: I had been looking at my life all wrong. One of the most powerful articles I read during this time: Top Five Regrets of the Dying really drives home this message.

Who cares what 18-year-old me thought? In fact, who cares what current me thinks? What matters is what future me will think!

I was addicted to TEDtalks, and there are a few key talks that changed my thinking: Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life, and Amy Cuddy: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are. These women have both suffered through some difficult and dark days, but through perseverance and positivism have built something amazing. They were playing the long game.

Have you developed a warped view?

Most of us slog through the present, doing the things we have to, to get the things we want. We dream about the future, and often regret the past. We live our lives completely out of perspective, like looking through some fun house mirror that twists something to make it bigger than it is. Settling for small, temporary “rushes” that come with small victories and acquisitions

I realized, if I was smarter at 28 than I was at 18 and wiser still at 38, why should I look through 18-year-old eyes? My question became: “What will 78 year old me think when she looks back?”

I looked at my parents, who were aging and who would regularly say that if they died tomorrow they would be happy because they had lived great lives and hadn’t missed anything that was important to them. Their lives had not been easy, nor had they been without disappointment, but they had been full and happy. They had found happiness.

What could I learn from that? Which moments were treasured most and why? What brought them happiness in the long run? And what could that teach me about how to be happy?

What should you value most?

Every aged person I know values memories of good friends, family and precious moments most. If those are the things that are most likely to bring the most joy in the long term, then those are the things to foster now.

Life is changing, people are living longer and most of us live relatively quiet lives towards our end. Don’t you want to spend it looking back on wonderful experiences and cherished memories, and creating a few new ones?

Finding happiness is not about having and doing everything. It is about the important things. The things you treasure most in the long term. That is why I call it living life backwards. Because it means constantly asking yourself how you will look back on this choice.

So here is the magic: I started to live that way. Every decision was not about whether it would bring me happiness now, but whether it would bring me happiness later.

• Was that job going to make me happy in the long run? To lead to other things that I wanted? Was it going to gain me more than it cost me?
• Was that purchase going to be memorable, would I still be enjoying it when I’m old, or at least remembering having it and the memories it brought? I still remember a purple velvet reverse camel back couch that I should have bought at 23; I wonder if it could have been life-changing. But how many other things have I gone without and not even noticed?
• Should I attend that event, take that trip? Is it likely to come with wonderful memories and photos to flip through or with regrets or bad-blood?
• Most importantly. should I say or do that thing? Will it feel good for a moment and come with a lifetime of wishing I could take it back? If I keep it to myself, will it fester or fade away? These are the hardest questions of all.

Will it make you happy?

Let me tell you what I have found out about living life to please old and wrinkled me: It works. And it is incredibly powerful.

• When you are going through a really tough time in your life and think to yourself: “When I get through this, I will be proud of myself for seeing it through, for weathering the storm.” It will bring you strength. Or you will realize: “This will never make me happy, I need to move on.” Then it will bring you peace.
• When you are in debt, or in ill health, reminding yourself how this will feel someday will renew your commitment and determination.
• But most importantly, when you are faced with choices, you will finally have a good measure by which to make them. You will no longer wonder what is important, but realize that life is all about your priorities.

I am finding happiness by Living Life Backwards.

I started living this way 5 years ago. It changed not just the way I made choices, but the way I perceived my choices. It changed the way I saw my life. But am I finding happiness?

Since then I have experienced job loss, both mine and my husband’s and realized quickly that we would both be better off. I lived that way with my family and when I lost my parents, I had no regrets, except for losing them at all. And through it all I am becoming happier, with myself, with others and with my life.

I know I will be happy in the long run because of the choices I am making. but I am also happier now. It is paying off in the short term as well. I think that is what surprises me most. That making decisions based on my future 35 years from now makes me happier in the present. I wish I had found this truth earlier.

I live in the now, with the future in mind and happiness always.